The Decks and the Road
book 1- Freeborn
Chapter 23
Nathan- Since the day I’d confirmed my love
to Natalie for her mother, I’d been trying to make it more apparent. I hadn’t seen the question coming, and I didn’t
think I’d have such a solid answer. It
forced me to challenge my pain. I was
proud of Natalie. I didn’t know she had
such guts. It was a good sign that our
relationship wasn’t superficial, and that was important to me now that she was
sixteen. Erilyn and I still didn’t approach
any of the things we knew were tearing us apart, but we talked more and spent more
time together. The more I really looked
at her, I could see how understated she’d gotten over the last few years. It was almost like she’d begun
disappearing. Her hair was always
brushed flat. She’d stop painting her
nails. She kept a pair of studs in her
ears, and she no longer wore the bracelet I’d given her early in our
relationship. I remember when it was her
favorite piece of jewelry. She remained
fresh faced most days, and only seemed to wear different combinations of the
same thing. I couldn’t help but feel responsible. After all, I did mean to hurt her. I just never wanted to lose her. I never thought she’d lose her smile, her
confidence, or her spark. It was the
first time in a long time I’d considered that perhaps I still had her
heart. It was now clear to me that we
weren’t together only for the sake of Natalie.
I could easily see the weight she was carrying. It reminded me of the weight she had carried
before Natalie was born. It was the
weight that no amount of laughter or love making could take away, but somehow
when Natalie came into the world, it dissipated. Now it was here again. Sometimes it felt as though we’d progress,
and it would go away for a few days, but then I could see it again. Still I tried. I’d asked her to get dressed. I wanted to take her out. I wanted to see her smile for longer than
just a few moments—I wanted to see her again.
I waited in the car. I didn’t
bother to go in. I kept hoping that she’d
surprise me. I sat for just a few more
minutes after I’d blown the horn, and then I saw the door open. It was slow to open, and stayed open a few
moments before she came out. When she
emerged, I could see that she wasn’t fresh faced. She wasn’t wearing studs—or jeans. Her hair was still off her face, but it was
lively. Suddenly, I remembered to get
out. I remembered to meet her, and show
her how much I’d been waiting to see her.
When I approached her, she stopped, and turned completely around. She hid her face, and I could hear her crying. I was dirty.
I’d just left work, but I held her close.
“I’m
sorry. Please forgive me.”
“Why’d
you have to make me feel like nothing?”
“You
have no idea how much you hurt me.” I
admitted but kept holding on.
“You
should have just listened to you father.”
“God
Erilyn… don’t say that. I don’t see you
like that.”
“Then
why haven’t you ever asked me to be your wife?”
“I
was trying to honor both of you. You
know how much I loved him, and I still fought for you. I thought you’d understand. Besides…”
I fought back my words, and tried not to take us any lower than we were.
“Say
it.” She pushed, and I could see that
she’d been waiting to have this conversation.
“I
made my choice. I would never say it. You know that.”
“Do
you love me Nathan?”
“I
do. I still do.” I confirm again.
“How
do we make it better?”
“We’re
trying. I’m trying. Give me this night. Let me show you that I still love you.”
“Okay,
just give me a few more minutes.” I let
her go. I returned to the car and her to
the house. I sat there still—stunned by
what had happened. In just a few short
minutes, we’d taken the leap. It wasn’t
the leap she wanted, but I could feel that it was the leap we needed. After a while, I could see Natalie standing
at the living room window offering a thumbs up. When Erilyn returned she had changed. She was again wearing jeans. Her make-up was refreshed, and I noticed she
was wearing the bracelet. Nothing else
mattered from that point. I’d gotten her
message. I went to meet her again, and
we kissed.
“I
hope you don’t mind the jeans, but I thought we should look like we’re
together.” And just like that… her spark
was back.
Chapter 24
Jennifer- I decided to take him back. He’d offered to wait for me, and so it did
help me to keep some of the confidence in what we had. He’d
made a bad call for more than one reason, and although it had happened before I’d
returned to Tampa, it didn’t make it any less significant. His moving to Miami didn’t erase anything, but
it did support the things he’d say to me.
Even after I’d made the realization, I tried to continue. It was a habit. I always wanted to finish what I started, and
so I kept trying to talk the sting out of it.
I’d planned on staying in Tampa.
I didn’t want to uproot Hannah nor Derek. We’d talked about getting a house, and he
would move in with me until then. The
day of his move was the day I learned that the sting couldn’t be removed. I knew it as soon as I saw it. I’d heard something hit the floor, and after
Derek and his buddy left with the sofa I approached the spot where I could see
its glow. I remembered picking out the
pair. Only one had been left behind, but
I knew whose it was. I stuck it in my
pocket, and waited to see how I would proceed.
It wasn’t new information, but it was now confirmed. Funny, the moment of confirmation brings with
it all kinds of emotions that even the most trusted inclination will not. It created a fresh wound. When Derek returned, I asked his friend to
step out. They’d already packed so much
into the truck. It should have mattered
to me, but it didn’t. It was too
heavy. I was already carrying, and I
couldn’t manage another load. To overlook
it would have killed me. I could see the
dread on Derek’s face. It was too abrupt
to be nothing, and he knew it.
“I
know about you and my sister.”
“What?” He was shocked, but he was also waiting to
see what all I had to say before he gave a full reaction. I’d been around. I knew that card.
“Even
your own daughter knows Derek—so don’t even think about lying.” I allowed my emotions to stretch the truth.
“You
told her?” He was horrified.
“No,
she told me.”
“Don’t
leave. Please. It was a mistake. I had no idea we’d have another chance.”
“I
can’t just forget about it. I’ve
tried. It doesn’t go away.”
“What
about everything?” He asked with tears in
his eyes.
“This
is not easy for me either. I don’t want
to have another child alone.” I’d
already cried my tears.
“So,
let’s try.”
“I
can’t. It’s too much.”
“What
are we going to tell Hannah?”
“We’ll
tell her that we’re just going to wait a while.”
“She’s
smarter than that Jen.”
“Yeah,
I know.” I remembered the morning Hannah
had unknowingly uncovered the whole thing.
It was the first time Derek had stayed the night after she’d come to
stay with me. I had hoped she would be
surprised for us all to have breakfast together. He was still asleep. I was in the kitchen. I was happy to see everything falling into
place. I hadn’t expected her to utter
the words… “You smell just like Aunt Eri when she comes home on Wednesdays.” At first I didn’t get it. I continued on pulling things from the
fridge, and then almost an hour later, it hit me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It was hard to sit there and pretend like
nothing had changed, but I did. I’d held
on to it for as long as I possibly could, but that day, I couldn’t anymore. I didn’t wait around to hear much more of
Derek’s pleading. I left and headed
right over to Erilyn’s to pick up Hannah.
Of course she wasn’t ready. I was
early. I met Erilyn in the kitchen while
Hannah was gathering her things. I didn’t
shout. I didn’t even ask a
question. No answer would have
worked. She was there. We were both there, and it was no secret how
much I’d loved Derek— both then and now.
I simply took the earring I was holding in my pocket out, and returned
it to her. As I did, I quickly
instructed… “Don’t ask.” I left her
there, and waited for Hannah in the car.
I couldn’t say for sure what had
changed. Maybe time had done its work to
help me to see a way for us to get past it.
I think I eventually realized that it didn’t make sense for me to deny
myself or our children when no one else really stood a chance. I still didn’t
know how to fix things with Erilyn, or how to completely put it all behind me,
but I thought to test the power of love.
Freeborn, a novel
Freeborn
© Grace Call Communications,
LLC
Copyright © 2017
by Natisha Renee Williams
All Rights Reserved
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