The Decks and the Road
Renegotiating Kaylin
Chapter 10- The Twig On The Ground
Kaylin- I’d taken a quick
trip back to my University to properly withdraw and say goodbye to Yulee. It wasn’t a goodbye forever, but it was
goodbye for now. On the way back, I met
someone. It didn’t occur to me at the
time to say I was in a relationship; not after the girl at the party. This relationship didn’t look any different
at the present moment, and I realized there was a huge piece to the dating
puzzle that I was missing. I thought
maybe Kayla could help me, but her marriage was over and she someone thought it
was a good idea to stay in contact with our father. From a distance I’d thought of her so highly,
but up close she didn’t appear to be so wise.
Instead I went back to my mother’s journals. It was a place so dark and yet so free and
light. It was a place that had burdened
me, yet it had given me a sense of who I was and could be. It was the ongoing blessing and the
curse. What I really wanted to know was
how to get a guy to take you serious.
Sometimes it appeared that I had the answer and then there were times
that I felt like a complete fool. I’d
heard myself ask for some space and I more than needed it. It was no easy task managing my weight
challenge, the desire I had to pursue my music, and all the guy drama. I never saw myself as the type of girl that
would be dating two guys at the same time, but it had happened. All of it had happened with them both and
repeatedly. In my head I thought of it
like stepping from one prong on a ladder to the next. I mean, it’s not like you hop. One foot remains on the last while the other
goes to the next. And that’s exactly
what I’d imagined. I’d imagined this
would be different. He was not the fast
talking and moving Eaton. He didn’t keep
me isolated in a bubble, but met with me freely and didn’t appear to have as
many blind spots that needed checking.
The problem was he’d made me feel as though he’d paid for the next step
and it always feels like he’s keeping tabs.
I could always see Eaton’s eyes scanning me, but there are times that
Aaron’s eyes falls away and his smile doesn’t always feel sincere. Still, there were no huge gaps in time with
him, and having him around made it easier to face the truth with Eaton.
I’d thought my biggest dilemma would be losing the weight,
but I was getting fair results just using the treadmill and taking a few things
out of my diet. Now my attention was
mainly fixed on getting the credit for my song.
I’d considered Eaton’s parting words, and I planned on it. No one could have known it, but I’d used a
lot of my mother’s words in the lyrics. She
had a way of saying things; a way no one else around me did and I’d played with
a lot of it in my music. I thought for
sure it would carry weight in the debate.
I also thought to get into her presence.
After all, her name was also listed as one of the writers, and I was
curious to know if she’d be as brazen as he’d been. All of this had been running through my mind,
and I’d already purchased my ticket for her upcoming performance. There were no backstage passes being offered,
but I was sure I could maneuver my way around it. Just thinking about it made me sweat in my
palms and I used the towel I had draped around my neck to dry the wheel. I pulled away from the light where I’d been
stopped and suddenly the numbers I’d unconsciously memorized after years of
reading and rereading my mother’s journals popped into my head. Six-Seventy-Two Lynchwire Drive. I didn’t know why at the moment, but I did know
from where. I’d had moments like this
before; moments of total epiphany.
Besides, I’d allowed for some force of nature to take my sights away
from the matter. Now it could not be
ignored and it had become a greater force.
At the next light I plugged the address into my phone and began
listening to the prompts that took me into an area I wasn't familiar with. It was a small neighborhood with modest homes
painted in a variety of colors ranging from pale yellow to deep greens and even
purple. I pulled parallel to a neatly
landscaped yard with an empty drive way.
This house was two shades of blue with no fence, but the fences of the
homes on both sides gave it a sense of being fenced in. There’s a large wooden chair on the
outside. Beside it there’s a metal
container with a spout for watering the plants.
I sit there and examine some of the other homes, and they seem to make a
sound much louder than this one. I know
that this is the house where my mother grew up and I’m tempted to walk up to
the door, but my mind is fighting off my instincts. I’m sweaty.
I’ve just worked out. My hair is
under a tie, and I haven’t thought of what to say or ask. Just then I hear the words “Ever lost your
life in a breath, and had to pretend you didn’t with your next breath?” It’s Radiance. I know her voice by now, and those are my
words. It’s ‘Coming Together’. They’re playing it again. I close my eyes and listen to the pristine
way she pronounces each word and the clarity of her vocals and I want to enjoy
listening, but it makes me angry instead.
Instead I feel like someone’s trying to rob me of everything in my life;
even my hope. I feel it so surely and I
exit the car. I think again about the
twig on the ground, and it’s clear that I’m the twig. I knock three single knocks and wait. The TV’s on and playing loudly. I knock again the same way and wait. After a few minutes the neighbor on the left
sticks her head out.
“Are you looking for Ms. Rivers? I can place a call to her for you.” She an elderly woman also, and now that I know that my grandmother is alive I begin to imagine what she might look like. The woman disappears and after another couple
of minutes the door opens with a loud squeak.
“Nora?” They’re the
first words to come from her mouth and they took me back a stair. I don’t know myself that way, and the last
time I can remember hearing that I resembled my mother was at her funeral.
“No. I’m Kaylin Ms.
Rivers. I’m her daughter.” I don’t know if it’s me or if it’s her
memory. I also don’t know if she’s aware
of me. It didn’t appear that way in the
journals, but there’s so much mystery within them; and gaps; and no dates
anywhere.
“Where’s
Nora?”
“She’s not
alive anymore.” At those words she takes
a step back. I want to run back to my
car, but I’m more concerned for her and the abrupt nature of my visit.
“What do you
need?” She asks with a look of concern.
“I found
your address. I didn’t know if you were
still living here. I’m sorry to intrude.”
“Well, I’m watching TV. Why don’t you come back tomorrow?” It’s odd and I’m still not sure if she gets it all, but I’m anxious to leave and terrified of returning. Yet, I take the offer and simply reply, “Yes, Ma’am.”
“Well, I’m watching TV. Why don’t you come back tomorrow?” It’s odd and I’m still not sure if she gets it all, but I’m anxious to leave and terrified of returning. Yet, I take the offer and simply reply, “Yes, Ma’am.”
I turn to
leave and before I reach my car, she clarifies, “Kaylin, I’m Rose.” I spin around in shock and nod my head, “Yes
Ma’am.” I wait for a few miles to begin
breathing again it seems, and when I’m finally present again I realize the
tears running down my face. I’ve
already turned the radio off. It’s just
me and the memory of her for now. And
tomorrow I get a chance to collect more memories of her.
Renegotiating Kaylin, a novel
Copyright
2019 by Natisha Renee Williams and Grace Call Communications, LLC
All Rights Reserved, including the right of reproduction
in whole or in part in any form.
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