The Decks and the Road
Renegotiating
Kaylin
Chapter 11- Between the Two
Eaton- I’m still in the business. To be exact, I’m in two businesses. Both just fell upon me. The first came when I was just standing on
the corner. I was waiting for a friend. I’d waited for him there many times before. It wasn’t a quiet kind of a corner. No, there were lots of people walking by and
hanging around. It’s the kind of corner
where you can blend in and stick out. I
must have done both. The offer came like
a sudden drop of water in a dry place, but was discrete enough that I didn’t
have to fight for it. It was a simple
question dropped in the ear. I don’t
know why my ear. I still don’t know why
my ear, but from what I could see, I was the first and the last person the man
had approached. Sixteen, some days with
my belly full, and other days hungry; the offer was water I could use. I had planned on leaving the business some
years ago, but I got tied up. Truly, I’m
still trying to wiggle my way out. Then
there’s the other business; a more legitimate business where hardly anybody
plays by any one set of rules. I wouldn’t
say there aren’t any rules. I would just
say… check the manual, because there are many editions. I’d looked at this opportunity as a way out,
but I kind of got my hands dirty. It was
the moment I thought I’d found a little wiggle room. I didn’t realize how much of an employee I’d
been. I was only there because she was
performing. I was paid to be there, but
I loved her. I knew my exit could come
at any moment, but I kept hoping I’d find a way to salvage a part of it. Anyway, the text in the dark of it all was my
wake up call. It was the moment I
remembered there was still a set up to come.
Like I said, the trip and the fall are not synonymous. And the set up comes right out of the blue
between the two. I’m just the trip. The instructions I received that night…. That
was the set up. It had taken years, and
apart from the sabotage disguised as bumps and bruises in learning the
business; I wasn’t sure it was of top priority.
I’d managed many trips in that time.
I’d been very present and barely present, but our love was still real. When I made my way to the table where the
young, wide-eyed green was sitting… it was work. Two weeks later; it was pleasure. But it was still work. Then it wasn’t work, and I’m officially in
two hearts. Some might question if the two hearts are
equally with me, but time will have to tell the story. In the meantime, Radiance is on and
technically my hands are clean.
Chapter 12- The Way She Writes
Kaylin- I didn’t show up the next day as I’d
planned. I woke up and all I could think
to do was bury my head beneath my pillow.
It was the weight of all the resurrections. I didn’t realize at first how heavy Kayla’s
offer had been, or how much it would affect me.
So I totally blew off Friday.
Instead I’d ended up at a club with Johnaya and Hannah. I’d spent the day shopping for something to
wear. It was the perfect dilemma;
needing new clothes. It was just enough
excitement to overlook all that I needed to face. I’d been overweight but not disfigured. I didn’t have a large overhanging stomach or
oblong breast, and the loss of twenty-eight pounds had resulted in a smaller,
more curvy me. I’d loss a good bit of
padding, and it had allowed me to walk into more stores where I hadn’t been
able to shop. I was still getting to
know my new self, but I was hoping not enough to make it stay. I still had my mind set on an even smaller
me, but I could feel my eyes falling in love with me and I loved it. I hadn’t stayed long. I’d planned on an early morning workout, and
this time when I woke up, I could feel that I was more alive than scared. So I’m on my way back to Lynchwire
Drive. I’m not sweaty this time, and I
took the extra few minutes to fix my hair.
The radio is still off and I don’t know when I’ll turn it back on. It’s just the words “prove it”. I’m sick of hearing them. Instead I’m thinking of my grandmother’s
invitation and hoping it was still open.
This time when I knock, I can hear that the TV is not playing and there’s
a window around the side of the house that’s probably open, because I can hear
things knocking around in the kitchen. I
knock and I wait to hear them stop. When
they do, I start to tug at my clothes and look myself over in my head. Before long the door opens again with the
same loud squeak. She’s not old, but
elderly. She doesn’t smile, but her eyes
maybe. They’re more relaxed than the
first time, and she doesn’t greet me with a question, but walks back into the
house. I enter behind her, and close the
door but leave it unlocked. After a few
short seconds she begins to talk at me as she continues on ahead, “I’m in the
kitchen.” I don’t speak. There’s no reason to. I just listen and follow.
The kitchen is small, but I can see that she has everything she
needs, and at hand. Her hair is mostly
gray with some black patches. She looks
strong; I mean for an older person. She’s
wearing shoes, and I begin to wonder if she’d been out. Her clothes are matching and with everything
around in order, I can see that she’s very particular. She’s darker than I am. I’m about the color of a peanut. But I can catch glimpses of my mother as she
moves around. I’m guessing by the smell
there’s chicken in the oven, and I can see her as she mixes the mash potatoes
in the small pot.
“Missed
you yesterday. Did I scare you?” The question comes as she looks over at me,
and I can read that she’s somewhat of a jokester. I consider her that night on the porch, and
she appears much younger in the daylight.
“No. Just wasn’t a good day.”
“So where
do you live Kaylin?”
“I’m
staying with my sister north of here.”
“How many
of you are there?”
“Oh no… It’s
just me and Tayeton. She’s my father’s
daughter.”
“Tayeton.” I can see that the name gets to her and she
stops and turns to me.
“Why don’t
you have a seat in the sitting room? I’ll
be there soon.” I take her suggestion
and leave her alone. After a while she
returns with a plate filled with food and a fork wrapped in a napkin. Without asking, she’s determined that I
should eat. The mash potato is cover in
gravy and I’m calculating whether I want the extra calories. I’m thinking in normal terms when the thought
of the twig returns and I think about the chances. When I consider the chances, I forget the
calories, and I don’t wait to eat. She
returns two more times; once with drinks and another carrying her plate of
food.
“Did you
say grace?” I’m surprised and then
not. It seems to fit the character of a
grandmother. I don’t respond, but
instead stop to pray.
“So tell
me about Tayeton.” She sits. Its three hours later by the time I check the
time. I’ve told her all about Tayeton,
Kat, and William, but we don’t really discuss me, and she never asks about my
mother. I’ve done most of the answering,
and I haven’t asked a single question.
It’s not the way I envisioned the opportunity. But I’m glad at the thought that there might
be more. Once I make a note of the time,
she also checks and I can see her eyes move to the clock in the corner. I don’t waste time and quickly ask if it
would be okay for me to come again.
“Maybe
next time you can tell me more about you, and I’ll see if I can find some
pictures of Nora.” Just as she’s about
to say more, I find my way.
“What
happened between you and her?” We’ve
both already come to our feet, and she walks behind me as I take my plate to
the kitchen.
“We just
didn’t agree on the direction her life should go.”
“That’s
it?”
“I thought
she should wait to have children, but she’d already named him. She wanted to put off college and I objected. She left and she just never came back.”
“Do you
regret it?”
“My judgment…
No. It was the better route.” She was so honest; so steadfast and giving my
mother was dead, it was painful. She
still hadn’t asked how, and now I prayed she wouldn’t. I wasn’t supposed to know anyway. It was the biggest secret that had stopped
being a secret the second my brother allowed me to keep my mother’s journals. I also knew the truth about Tayeton; the
second biggest secret that got leaked. But
that one came as a rare knowing, and Kat more than confirmed it. I don’t ask any more questions, and she doesn’t
offer any more on the subject. We also
don’t make any real plans for when I should come again, but I like it better
that way. I take the ride home missing
all the signs, stops, and turns. I don’t
recall any of it by the time I hit the driveway. I’ve been thinking; mostly about Tayeton. As I step out of the car, I’m hit with another
rare knowing. It’s the baby in the
journals. He’s not dead. It’s the way she interprets the moment; the
decision. It’s Tayeton. I know it is… and he’s alive.
Renegotiating Kaylin, a novel
Copyright
2019 by Natisha Renee Williams and Grace Call Communications, LLC
All Rights Reserved, including the right of reproduction
in whole or in part in any form.
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