Series Feature: RK- The Twig On The Ground

The Decks and the Road

Renegotiating Kaylin

Chapter 10- The Twig On The Ground

Kaylin- I’d taken a quick trip back to my University to properly withdraw and say goodbye to Yulee.  It wasn’t a goodbye forever, but it was goodbye for now.  On the way back, I met someone.  It didn’t occur to me at the time to say I was in a relationship; not after the girl at the party.  This relationship didn’t look any different at the present moment, and I realized there was a huge piece to the dating puzzle that I was missing.  I thought maybe Kayla could help me, but her marriage was over and she someone thought it was a good idea to stay in contact with our father.  From a distance I’d thought of her so highly, but up close she didn’t appear to be so wise.  Instead I went back to my mother’s journals.  It was a place so dark and yet so free and light.  It was a place that had burdened me, yet it had given me a sense of who I was and could be.  It was the ongoing blessing and the curse.  What I really wanted to know was how to get a guy to take you serious.  Sometimes it appeared that I had the answer and then there were times that I felt like a complete fool.  I’d heard myself ask for some space and I more than needed it.  It was no easy task managing my weight challenge, the desire I had to pursue my music, and all the guy drama.  I never saw myself as the type of girl that would be dating two guys at the same time, but it had happened.  All of it had happened with them both and repeatedly.  In my head I thought of it like stepping from one prong on a ladder to the next.  I mean, it’s not like you hop.  One foot remains on the last while the other goes to the next.  And that’s exactly what I’d imagined.  I’d imagined this would be different.  He was not the fast talking and moving Eaton.  He didn’t keep me isolated in a bubble, but met with me freely and didn’t appear to have as many blind spots that needed checking.  The problem was he’d made me feel as though he’d paid for the next step and it always feels like he’s keeping tabs.  I could always see Eaton’s eyes scanning me, but there are times that Aaron’s eyes falls away and his smile doesn’t always feel sincere.  Still, there were no huge gaps in time with him, and having him around made it easier to face the truth with Eaton. 

I’d thought my biggest dilemma would be losing the weight, but I was getting fair results just using the treadmill and taking a few things out of my diet.  Now my attention was mainly fixed on getting the credit for my song.  I’d considered Eaton’s parting words, and I planned on it.  No one could have known it, but I’d used a lot of my mother’s words in the lyrics.  She had a way of saying things; a way no one else around me did and I’d played with a lot of it in my music.  I thought for sure it would carry weight in the debate.  I also thought to get into her presence.  After all, her name was also listed as one of the writers, and I was curious to know if she’d be as brazen as he’d been.  All of this had been running through my mind, and I’d already purchased my ticket for her upcoming performance.  There were no backstage passes being offered, but I was sure I could maneuver my way around it.  Just thinking about it made me sweat in my palms and I used the towel I had draped around my neck to dry the wheel.  I pulled away from the light where I’d been stopped and suddenly the numbers I’d unconsciously memorized after years of reading and rereading my mother’s journals popped into my head.  Six-Seventy-Two Lynchwire Drive.  I didn’t know why at the moment, but I did know from where.  I’d had moments like this before; moments of total epiphany.  Besides, I’d allowed for some force of nature to take my sights away from the matter.  Now it could not be ignored and it had become a greater force.  At the next light I plugged the address into my phone and began listening to the prompts that took me into an area I wasn't familiar with.  It was a small neighborhood with modest homes painted in a variety of colors ranging from pale yellow to deep greens and even purple.  I pulled parallel to a neatly landscaped yard with an empty drive way.  This house was two shades of blue with no fence, but the fences of the homes on both sides gave it a sense of being fenced in.  There’s a large wooden chair on the outside.  Beside it there’s a metal container with a spout for watering the plants.  I sit there and examine some of the other homes, and they seem to make a sound much louder than this one.  I know that this is the house where my mother grew up and I’m tempted to walk up to the door, but my mind is fighting off my instincts.  I’m sweaty.  I’ve just worked out.  My hair is under a tie, and I haven’t thought of what to say or ask.  Just then I hear the words “Ever lost your life in a breath, and had to pretend you didn’t with your next breath?”  It’s Radiance.  I know her voice by now, and those are my words.  It’s ‘Coming Together’.  They’re playing it again.  I close my eyes and listen to the pristine way she pronounces each word and the clarity of her vocals and I want to enjoy listening, but it makes me angry instead.  Instead I feel like someone’s trying to rob me of everything in my life; even my hope.  I feel it so surely and I exit the car.  I think again about the twig on the ground, and it’s clear that I’m the twig.  I knock three single knocks and wait.  The TV’s on and playing loudly.  I knock again the same way and wait.  After a few minutes the neighbor on the left sticks her head out.

“Are you looking for Ms. Rivers?  I can place a call to her for you.”  She an elderly woman also, and now that I know that my grandmother is alive I begin to imagine what she might look like.  The woman disappears and after another couple of minutes the door opens with a loud squeak.   

“Nora?”  They’re the first words to come from her mouth and they took me back a stair.  I don’t know myself that way, and the last time I can remember hearing that I resembled my mother was at her funeral. 

“No.  I’m Kaylin Ms. Rivers.  I’m her daughter.”  I don’t know if it’s me or if it’s her memory.  I also don’t know if she’s aware of me.  It didn’t appear that way in the journals, but there’s so much mystery within them; and gaps; and no dates anywhere.

“Where’s Nora?” 

“She’s not alive anymore.”  At those words she takes a step back.  I want to run back to my car, but I’m more concerned for her and the abrupt nature of my visit.

“What do you need?”  She asks with a look of concern.

“I found your address.  I didn’t know if you were still living here.  I’m sorry to intrude.”
“Well, I’m watching TV.  Why don’t you come back tomorrow?”  It’s odd and I’m still not sure if she gets it all, but I’m anxious to leave and terrified of returning.  Yet, I take the offer and simply reply, “Yes, Ma’am.”

I turn to leave and before I reach my car, she clarifies, “Kaylin, I’m Rose.”  I spin around in shock and nod my head, “Yes Ma’am.”  I wait for a few miles to begin breathing again it seems, and when I’m finally present again I realize the tears running down my face.   I’ve already turned the radio off.  It’s just me and the memory of her for now.  And tomorrow I get a chance to collect more memories of her.

Renegotiating Kaylin, a novel

Copyright 2019 by Natisha Renee Williams and Grace Call Communications, LLC

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