The Decks and the Road
book 1- Freeborn
The Final Chapters- Chapter 34
Erilyn- Up until I was about ten years old, I was certain I could
hear the voice of God. I hadn’t heard it
again until last night. It wasn’t
audible, but that was no cause for uncertainty.
He had a way of making himself know; of setting himself apart. It came to me in dream. It was not like most of the dreams I
remember. I was sitting on a beach
alone. Before I heard him, I was just
soaking up the peace, and catching the breeze.
Then it was like a voice came up out of the water. It’s hard to describe, but I know it was
coming from in front of me, and not above me.
There was no change in the air or anything; just a voice—full of peace
and from the mouth of an entity that obviously knew me.
“I will
accept the line you drew in the sand. I
will give you rest. Nothing will haunt
you or overcome you if you vow not to return the way you came.” I should have ran. I could feel my fear in the conscious part of
my mind. It was the sound of his
authority to protect me or not that had me still. I recognized his presence from before and
wondered what happened to make him return.
The moment I tried to respond, I woke up. I’d been crying. I sat still again; this time on my bed. I tried to listen—to see if he was still with
me, but nothing. I waited some more until
it was clear he wasn’t there. I returned
my head to my pillow, and found myself on the beach again. I wasn’t there any time before I heard, “I am
with you.” I should have just remained
quiet, but my joy wouldn’t let me.
“Father?” I awakened again. Just then there was a breeze on the back of
my neck. I looked around but there was
nothing to see; just the headboard. When
there was no answer, again I returned to my pillow. I woke up hours later, but it felt like I’d
slept for a day.
Nathan and I were on the way to meet Vance in Miami. It was an early flight. I was thinking about Dr. Shepherd. I remember thinking she had to be one of many
Shepherd’s in the world, but suddenly I knew it was wishful thinking. Obviously, I was glad I’d stopped the
sessions when I did. I was also thinking
about the dream. After Angelo’s funeral
it seemed for sure that my past had planned on haunting me, but now I had a
promise. Well, that’s the way I heard
it. I wouldn’t usually believe something
like that, but I knew it was the voice of God, so I keep telling myself I could
trust it. I wasn’t the only one deep in
thought. He was trying his best to keep
cool, but I could feel his nerves vibrating through his hands and he’d been
looking out the window for the past half hour.
I had high hopes for the two of them.
After all, the phone conversation had gone well, and he did invite
us. The thought of them reuniting had
even given me courage, and I’d left a message for Jennifer right after we
booked our tickets. I didn’t think she’d
return the call, but she did. I was glad
too because It would be too much to cover up her missing the wedding, and we
not getting together while I was in town.
I guess it was time that eventually made it possible. I was happy for all the possibilities, but a
great part of me was also ready to return to what I knew I could control. I could feel all my anxieties rising up
within me, and I tightened my hold Nathan.
It didn’t take long before his head was turned my way. I didn’t expect it, but he kissed my
cheek. More to my surprise were his
words.
“I forgive you.” They weren’t common words. Not for me.
I’d made so many missteps, and I didn’t quite know which were being
forgiven.
“For everything?” I calculated.
“Yes. For everything.” I knew he was only speaking on his behalf,
and yet it felt as though they were all speaking. The first tear escaped, and many followed. He wiped some, and he kissed others
away. There were no words I could use,
but I wanted to repay him. Some time
passed, and then the words came to me.
“Thank you.”
The Final Chapters- Chapter 35
Jennifer- I’d found beauty at a roundabout more than once or
twice. Just the same, a few times it
seemed to be snatched away from me. When
I’d gotten Erilyn’s message, I knew it was time. Not that I was totally ready, but I could
sense that the time was right. I didn’t
share it with anyone, but I did pray about it.
I’d remained confident about my decision for weeks, but now I was less
confident. Now I knew why everything had
to be the way that it was; why she’d helped me when she did. It meant I couldn’t bury her. It was early on a Sunday when I slipped
out. I’d left my mother and Derek behind
to deal with the girls. I wasn’t certain
why, but I found myself again in jeans and a t-shirt with my hair in a
ponytail. It was something about the
hard spots in life that didn’t require any fluff. They also didn’t appear to require any
speed. I found myself just below the speed
limit with a few cars flying past me.
One or two of them shook my car as they did, and I realized how fragile
I still was. I tried to pick up my
speed, but instead I found myself pulled off to the side of the road. I thought about turning around. As I understood it Nathan was in town on
business, and I knew it wouldn’t be a big upset. I picked up my phone to text her, and then I
remembered the time God had showed up for me with Hannah, and I thought to call
on him.
“God, I need you.” I made the call and waited with my head on
the steering wheel. I could hear my
phone buzzing. Someone was texting
me. I knew it wasn’t God, and so I
ignored it. It wasn’t like any prayer I’d
ever prayed. I’d never used those exact
words. I waited hoping I’d just get a
wind of energy or at least the confidence to take my car out of park, and then
he spoke.
“You’ve known of this since
before you were born. I’ve given you
wings. Now that you’ve finished running;
fly.” He’d never spoken to me. He was just supposed to smooth everything
out, and get me through it. Why was he
speaking to me? And how did I know it
was him? Furthermore, why didn’t he
mention any of the things I was sure he would.
I sat for what felt like an hour contemplating all these things until
suddenly the word fly became bigger and louder than my questions. I dried my eyes on my shirt and returned my
car to drive. I checked my phone. I figured it was Erilyn who’d texted me, but
it was Derek, “Where’d you fly off to?”
It was like nothing I could explain.
It made me smile, and all I could say was, “Tell you later.”
When I
pulled up Erilyn was standing alone. She
wasn’t dressed in jeans or a t-shirt.
She looked good. She looked
free. I blew the horn and flashed my
lights, and her face lit up. She wasn’t
carrying anything except her purse. I
wondered where Nathan was. I’d expected to see him shepherding at least
until I’d gotten there. She hopped in
and we instinctively greeted each other with a peck on the cheek.
“I thought I was in Miami, where’s
Camie?” She teased and did her best to
take us back.
“Derek likes Jennifer better.” I landed the unexpected jab, and didn’t make
any apologies.
“You’re still together?” I could see her shock.
“We are.”
“Good. You know, if I’d thought you two would ever…
I wouldn’t have.”
“He’s Hannah’s father Erilyn.” I reminded her and rejected her sloppy
apology.
“What about Derek? Am I not your sister?” She’d come prepared.
“It took a while. He knows how much it hurt me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“That’s better.” I glanced over and our eyes connected.
“Does Nathan know?”
“Not exactly.”
“What does that mean?”
“He must have sensed something,
but he doesn’t know who.”
“So how did you two finally make
it to the altar?” I asked for my own
reasons.
“It got really bad, and then
something happened. I didn’t think he
still loved me, but he did.”
“So how are things now?”
“Really good.” I could see her delight. It was no envy of mine. I knew Derek and I were solid, and I had this
really cool relationship with my mother.
It was the thing I needed that I didn’t know I needed. I wanted that for Erilyn too, but my mother always
found a way to let me know that was not her heart’s desire. I knew I’d missed something, but I couldn’t
figure out what. It was my father that
had been murdered. It only seemed
natural that she might hate to see my face, but she never showed any anger
towards me.
I was happy that we’d gotten
past the big deal, and I didn’t want to have any more deceit between us, so I
came right out and told her.
“Mom’s out. She’s been living with me for a year and a
half.” I could see the blood had left
her face. She’d turned pale. There were no words. Suddenly, I realized that we were just
leaving the airport. We hadn’t even made
it onto the highway before we’d cleared our chests. Well, my chest had been cleared, and I did
feel as if I could fly, but I couldn’t ignore Erilyn’s silence.
“Let me out.”
“What do you mean let me
out? I can’t just let you out.”
“You planned this.”
“Planned what?”
“She hates me. Everybody knew it. You’re the only one who doesn’t know it.”
“It’s been twenty years.”
“I don’t want to see her.” Erilyn was stern, and I felt as though I
could see her put her foot down.
“I wasn’t asking you to see
her. I just thought you should know.”
“Well, thank you. Now I know.”
We rode in silence. When we got
to Simple Fish the doors were still locked, and there was a line outside. It had become quite the talk for its Sunday
breakfast menu. I’d hoped we would be
able to enjoy it. We’d gotten past what had
kept us apart quicker than I’d expected.
Now we were on speaking terms with seemingly nothing to speak about. I didn’t want to be the first to exit the
car. I thought it would make it all seem
small. Then she motioned for the door,
but not before she asked the question.
“Didn’t she have twenty-two
years?” I didn’t bother to answer. I followed behind Erilyn who eagerly approached
the line that had begun to circle around Simple Fish. I understood then that whatever I’d missed
was not so simple, and I knew that it would be up to the two to decide what
came next. As I walked, I quietly
thanked God for coming through for me again, and turned my attention to the
permissions I’d been given.
Freeborn, a novel
Freeborn
© Grace Call Communications,
LLC
Copyright © 2017
by Natisha Renee Williams
All Rights Reserved
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