Erased, a novel
Chapter 31- Justified
Dr. Kat Shepherd- There's no turning back now, the vomit's already hit the floor. It's been a rough week, but it's the thing I've been hoping for. The fear is back, and it's buried somewhere under the joy and hope. I'm in the office today, and thankfully I made it to the bathroom in time. It's mostly all of the coffee I just drank. We haven't said anything to anyone just yet. Maybe we'll keep it secret until it can no longer be kept. Who knows? Unfortunately, there's no time for fog, Mr. Wells is coming in, and there's someone he wants me to meet.
I make my way back to my post just in time, my hat is in place, and my eyes are nearly plucked from their sockets when they walk in. He's got Veronica in hand. I'm trying to understand, and I'm reminded of her last visit. She's always generally quiet, and never gives more than I dig for, but I knew she was hiding something. Well she's always hiding something; some part of her history that she doesn't think has anything to do with her present. This however, I didn't see coming. He's not as quiet as her. He's always glad to speak as long as he can see how it helps. And it just occurred to me, but he likes to be free. She speaks first; a simple hi. He follows with, "I take it you know Veronica."
"I do. Welcome back both of you. Congratulations on finding each other. So, Mr. Wells since you saw this necessary, why don't you share with me what you're feeling."
Mr Wells- I recognized her voice almost immediately, and just yesterday we shared the moment I'd dreamt about. She was telling me about her daughter. The words that were blurred and muffled became clear and concise. I'd taken her to meet my friend; the one who brings the paper. I hadn't forgotten about him, and thought I'd catch him by surprise. He was in his usual spot. I spotted his bag with all the papers he keeps for reference before I did him. I could see the onlookers trying to figure out who we were and why all the introductions. We didn't read or talk about the nature of business, and for the first time he told me why he was still homeless. We didn't sit long and walked while we spoke. I watched as he managed all he was carrying, but didn't offer to help any. I knew just fine how personal it all was. By the time the sun ran out on the day, we were just making it back to the place where I'd slept many times. We left him behind, but I could feel that his heart was warm. I circled back yet again and showed Veronica some of the places where I'd spent most of the eighteen months. I still didn't have a lot to show for who I was. She didn't say a lot but her questions let me know she was a great listener. Some of them really pressed me, so I knew she was thinking of us in a future context. I hadn't shared the dream with anyone. I thought to just see where it was going. Then something said Dr. Kat. I'm here now, and she's waiting on me to speak; they both are. They both have a clear shot at my courage and my fears.
"We're considering getting married." It wasn't a blatant consideration, but I decided to trust what I thought I knew. Her silence was a loud agreement, and it surely got Dr. Kat over whatever was on her mind.
"I thought maybe you could help us."
"That's fair and I would certainly want to meet with you two together, but Mrs. Felix and I still need to work in private."
"Mrs.?" I could see that she wasn't herself. She didn't look light and see through as usual, but I thought for sure she'd used the wrong word.
"Veronica.. Why don't you clarify?"
"It's just that we never got it taken care of. It's nothing that can't be fixed." Whatever wind the revelation had taken out of me, her words gave back, but it also told me that where I'd opened my doors to her, she'd only left a crack. I thought it was nothing until my head fell.
"Timothy... I'm sorry." Her kiss to my cheek felt like deception and I just needed some space.
"Can you excuse us for a few minutes Mr. Wells? I exited the building, and for the first time since it had all started; all of the madness; I cried a long and hard cry. I walked it out of the way of all the people going in and out of the building. I found a cement flower bed on the side and sat there a while. It wasn't the day's circumstances, it was the season's circumstances. It was no use, I couldn't sit. I paced along side the building a few times until I had the nerve to walk back in. I wasn't sure if I'd heard correctly, but it sounded as if a woman passing me on the left murmured, "pervert". I react immediately by turning around, but she just keeps walking. I get on the elevator and it's all I can think about. I look back and to each side of me.
Veronica- "I love him; I know I do. Why'd she have to do that? I was going to say something. I just wanted to see where it was going. What's the crime in that. I've done everything she's asked. What more work do we need to do? I've had enough. This is my life already, and I've done my time." It's all that I'm thinking when the door closes behind Timothy.
"You didn't need to do that."
"I don't think you're ready to be married."
"Please don't say that to him."
"I won't. It's the reason I asked him to leave, but I'm sure he'll ask. It's why he brought you here Veronica."
"Then what? I should just be this for the rest of my life?"
"You should define this."
"An ex-con. No good for anything."
"If you're willing, I will help you, but you have to tell the truth. It's the only way to change this."
"This what?" I was eager to hear her terms, and know what all I could gain with the truth.
"Your life Veronica. There's someone who wants to commit himself to you and you're still only living in one corner of your life. How will you keep him out of the other spaces? Marriage is not meant to be kept in a closet."
"Okay... I'll try it your way." I'd come a far way. A small lie is a secret you can trust with one or two people, but a big lie you trust with no one, and I hadn't. It wouldn't have changed any of the circumstances, but maybe she was right. It would change my life. I blurted it out so quickly it was like throw up. And the moment it came up, I could breathe again. I could see on her face that she was happy for me. Just about the time she came over and sat next to me, there was a knock and I knew he'd come back. I just didn't know if he'd changed his mind on the way back. I closed my eyes and laid my head on her shoulder. I was not prepared to say it again, and in my heart I could hear my prayer.. "please God, don't take him away."
Erased, a novel
Copyright 2018 by Natisha Renee Williams, All Rights Reserved
Grace Call Communications, LLC Copyright 2018
Chapter 31- Justified
Dr. Kat Shepherd- There's no turning back now, the vomit's already hit the floor. It's been a rough week, but it's the thing I've been hoping for. The fear is back, and it's buried somewhere under the joy and hope. I'm in the office today, and thankfully I made it to the bathroom in time. It's mostly all of the coffee I just drank. We haven't said anything to anyone just yet. Maybe we'll keep it secret until it can no longer be kept. Who knows? Unfortunately, there's no time for fog, Mr. Wells is coming in, and there's someone he wants me to meet.
I make my way back to my post just in time, my hat is in place, and my eyes are nearly plucked from their sockets when they walk in. He's got Veronica in hand. I'm trying to understand, and I'm reminded of her last visit. She's always generally quiet, and never gives more than I dig for, but I knew she was hiding something. Well she's always hiding something; some part of her history that she doesn't think has anything to do with her present. This however, I didn't see coming. He's not as quiet as her. He's always glad to speak as long as he can see how it helps. And it just occurred to me, but he likes to be free. She speaks first; a simple hi. He follows with, "I take it you know Veronica."
"I do. Welcome back both of you. Congratulations on finding each other. So, Mr. Wells since you saw this necessary, why don't you share with me what you're feeling."
Mr Wells- I recognized her voice almost immediately, and just yesterday we shared the moment I'd dreamt about. She was telling me about her daughter. The words that were blurred and muffled became clear and concise. I'd taken her to meet my friend; the one who brings the paper. I hadn't forgotten about him, and thought I'd catch him by surprise. He was in his usual spot. I spotted his bag with all the papers he keeps for reference before I did him. I could see the onlookers trying to figure out who we were and why all the introductions. We didn't read or talk about the nature of business, and for the first time he told me why he was still homeless. We didn't sit long and walked while we spoke. I watched as he managed all he was carrying, but didn't offer to help any. I knew just fine how personal it all was. By the time the sun ran out on the day, we were just making it back to the place where I'd slept many times. We left him behind, but I could feel that his heart was warm. I circled back yet again and showed Veronica some of the places where I'd spent most of the eighteen months. I still didn't have a lot to show for who I was. She didn't say a lot but her questions let me know she was a great listener. Some of them really pressed me, so I knew she was thinking of us in a future context. I hadn't shared the dream with anyone. I thought to just see where it was going. Then something said Dr. Kat. I'm here now, and she's waiting on me to speak; they both are. They both have a clear shot at my courage and my fears.
"We're considering getting married." It wasn't a blatant consideration, but I decided to trust what I thought I knew. Her silence was a loud agreement, and it surely got Dr. Kat over whatever was on her mind.
"I thought maybe you could help us."
"That's fair and I would certainly want to meet with you two together, but Mrs. Felix and I still need to work in private."
"Mrs.?" I could see that she wasn't herself. She didn't look light and see through as usual, but I thought for sure she'd used the wrong word.
"Veronica.. Why don't you clarify?"
"It's just that we never got it taken care of. It's nothing that can't be fixed." Whatever wind the revelation had taken out of me, her words gave back, but it also told me that where I'd opened my doors to her, she'd only left a crack. I thought it was nothing until my head fell.
"Timothy... I'm sorry." Her kiss to my cheek felt like deception and I just needed some space.
"Can you excuse us for a few minutes Mr. Wells? I exited the building, and for the first time since it had all started; all of the madness; I cried a long and hard cry. I walked it out of the way of all the people going in and out of the building. I found a cement flower bed on the side and sat there a while. It wasn't the day's circumstances, it was the season's circumstances. It was no use, I couldn't sit. I paced along side the building a few times until I had the nerve to walk back in. I wasn't sure if I'd heard correctly, but it sounded as if a woman passing me on the left murmured, "pervert". I react immediately by turning around, but she just keeps walking. I get on the elevator and it's all I can think about. I look back and to each side of me.
Veronica- "I love him; I know I do. Why'd she have to do that? I was going to say something. I just wanted to see where it was going. What's the crime in that. I've done everything she's asked. What more work do we need to do? I've had enough. This is my life already, and I've done my time." It's all that I'm thinking when the door closes behind Timothy.
"You didn't need to do that."
"I don't think you're ready to be married."
"Please don't say that to him."
"I won't. It's the reason I asked him to leave, but I'm sure he'll ask. It's why he brought you here Veronica."
"Then what? I should just be this for the rest of my life?"
"You should define this."
"An ex-con. No good for anything."
"If you're willing, I will help you, but you have to tell the truth. It's the only way to change this."
"This what?" I was eager to hear her terms, and know what all I could gain with the truth.
"Your life Veronica. There's someone who wants to commit himself to you and you're still only living in one corner of your life. How will you keep him out of the other spaces? Marriage is not meant to be kept in a closet."
"Okay... I'll try it your way." I'd come a far way. A small lie is a secret you can trust with one or two people, but a big lie you trust with no one, and I hadn't. It wouldn't have changed any of the circumstances, but maybe she was right. It would change my life. I blurted it out so quickly it was like throw up. And the moment it came up, I could breathe again. I could see on her face that she was happy for me. Just about the time she came over and sat next to me, there was a knock and I knew he'd come back. I just didn't know if he'd changed his mind on the way back. I closed my eyes and laid my head on her shoulder. I was not prepared to say it again, and in my heart I could hear my prayer.. "please God, don't take him away."
Erased, a novel
Copyright 2018 by Natisha Renee Williams, All Rights Reserved
Grace Call Communications, LLC Copyright 2018
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