The Decks and the Road
Renegotiating Kaylin
Chapter 1- Reintroducing Kaylin
Kaylin- It's my birthday; every Valentine's Day it's my birthday. My relatives think that I'm home for the celebration alone, but I'm not going back. It's not a dinner party. It's more like the place to be on a fine Saturday night like this. I'll be surrounded by many people tonight; most of which I did not invite. If you ask them each, they'll tell you they love Kaylin, but I'm not sure they can even see me. Yet, if I were ever in a bind, they'd be there; they would offer all the strings they had charge to pull and make endless phone calls to drum up more support, and if needed the check books could certainly make an appearance. Yet, I don't know if they can see me. Then there are those who know and love me completely. They'll be in attendance too. And finally, he'll be there. I didn't send him an official invitation, just a text, but he shot back a positive response before I had time to wonder. I'm not his; I'm sure... and he's not mine, but it doesn't change my eagerness to see him. Maybe tonight will be the time to make a formal introduction. After all, everything that's between us is mainly between us. Even my missing files. I haven't gotten pass the heartbreak far enough to even mention the loss to anyone. I've played everything backed a dozen times, and he's the only one who had the opportunity. And there's more of mine that he's holding onto. He has something that makes me consider if I'll ever be able to loosen the grip on my affection for him. That's also only between us. Anyway, I'm just finishing up my make up, and soon I'll be in everyone's clutches and hopefully his.
I'm wearing red. My dress is simple but I'm cute in it, but I've gained forty pounds since I discovered my files were gone. I didn't really see it come on, it feels like one day I woke up and it was all just there, but I know better. I know just like the other sixty pounds I've gained over the last nine years; it sneaks in with every new pair of jeans. It's like you try to convince yourself that you're going shopping just because you feel like it, but in the quiet corners of your mind, you know that you've outgrown the last pair. You lie yourself into every new pant size, and as long as it looks cute, you shut your eyes. Tonight is no different, and I'm cute. My shoes, purse, and earrings are gold. They always are. Everyone else had better accessorize with silver or white.
I hear the horn, and I know Johnaya has arrived. I try telling her to text me, but it never fails, as soon as the clock strikes on the time we've agreed on, there's a loud blow of a horn. Her and I together create a lot of contrast that's not all about weight. We're different... really different. She's strait forward and not just strait forward, but she's forth coming, and shadows just run away from her. It's always been that way. Me? I'm cautious. I'm observant. I'm removed, and then ever present. Not to mention, all my mother's genetics didn't just fall on Tayeton, but apparently there was some left over for me, and I'm blossoming into quite an artist. That's how we met; him and I. But I'm not ready to go there. Let's just focus on tonight, and all the love that's converging to wish me a Happy Happy Birthday!
When we arrive to my brother's new home, all the cars are neatly parked in some way or another, and the valet workers are zipping back and forth from one car to the next. People are still filing in. It's no surprise, and I make my way by some of the guests. Those who know me either share a quick hug or offer a shy wave. Those who got a blind invite are totally in the dark, and I walk right by without a sound. The moment I reach the door and my eyes capture all the dazzle and sparkle buzzing around, I can feel my excitement grow. I'm smiling and I can almost feel each corner of my mouth touching one of my ears. I take my first three or four steps through the door, and my heart takes a sudden dive. He's standing close to the front of the crowd; close enough to see that he didn't come alone. I can feel the first of the tears hurrying out from my eyes. I don't know how to hide my hurt. I don't know how to pretend I don't care. And I certainly don't know how to keep my eyes from repeatedly scanning her. It's just that we're not two different pieces of chocolate you might find in the same box, we don't fit into the same box. I'm two hundreds and five pounds and if I release all the smoke I'm holding onto on the inside, I'd more than knock her over. I take another few steps and collect a few more hugs and kisses, and then without a long deliberation, or even announcing it to myself, I turn around and jolt. Johnaya is behind me. I haven't checked, but I know she's there, and as soon as we make it back to the car, we're leaving. It's all I got. I'm not that girl, and although I can come up with some suggestions as to how I should take charge, my first commitment is to being Kaylin.
(use Tags/Labels at bottom to navigate the book)
Renegotiating Kaylin, a novel
Renegotiating Kaylin
Chapter 1- Reintroducing Kaylin
Kaylin- It's my birthday; every Valentine's Day it's my birthday. My relatives think that I'm home for the celebration alone, but I'm not going back. It's not a dinner party. It's more like the place to be on a fine Saturday night like this. I'll be surrounded by many people tonight; most of which I did not invite. If you ask them each, they'll tell you they love Kaylin, but I'm not sure they can even see me. Yet, if I were ever in a bind, they'd be there; they would offer all the strings they had charge to pull and make endless phone calls to drum up more support, and if needed the check books could certainly make an appearance. Yet, I don't know if they can see me. Then there are those who know and love me completely. They'll be in attendance too. And finally, he'll be there. I didn't send him an official invitation, just a text, but he shot back a positive response before I had time to wonder. I'm not his; I'm sure... and he's not mine, but it doesn't change my eagerness to see him. Maybe tonight will be the time to make a formal introduction. After all, everything that's between us is mainly between us. Even my missing files. I haven't gotten pass the heartbreak far enough to even mention the loss to anyone. I've played everything backed a dozen times, and he's the only one who had the opportunity. And there's more of mine that he's holding onto. He has something that makes me consider if I'll ever be able to loosen the grip on my affection for him. That's also only between us. Anyway, I'm just finishing up my make up, and soon I'll be in everyone's clutches and hopefully his.
I'm wearing red. My dress is simple but I'm cute in it, but I've gained forty pounds since I discovered my files were gone. I didn't really see it come on, it feels like one day I woke up and it was all just there, but I know better. I know just like the other sixty pounds I've gained over the last nine years; it sneaks in with every new pair of jeans. It's like you try to convince yourself that you're going shopping just because you feel like it, but in the quiet corners of your mind, you know that you've outgrown the last pair. You lie yourself into every new pant size, and as long as it looks cute, you shut your eyes. Tonight is no different, and I'm cute. My shoes, purse, and earrings are gold. They always are. Everyone else had better accessorize with silver or white.
I hear the horn, and I know Johnaya has arrived. I try telling her to text me, but it never fails, as soon as the clock strikes on the time we've agreed on, there's a loud blow of a horn. Her and I together create a lot of contrast that's not all about weight. We're different... really different. She's strait forward and not just strait forward, but she's forth coming, and shadows just run away from her. It's always been that way. Me? I'm cautious. I'm observant. I'm removed, and then ever present. Not to mention, all my mother's genetics didn't just fall on Tayeton, but apparently there was some left over for me, and I'm blossoming into quite an artist. That's how we met; him and I. But I'm not ready to go there. Let's just focus on tonight, and all the love that's converging to wish me a Happy Happy Birthday!
When we arrive to my brother's new home, all the cars are neatly parked in some way or another, and the valet workers are zipping back and forth from one car to the next. People are still filing in. It's no surprise, and I make my way by some of the guests. Those who know me either share a quick hug or offer a shy wave. Those who got a blind invite are totally in the dark, and I walk right by without a sound. The moment I reach the door and my eyes capture all the dazzle and sparkle buzzing around, I can feel my excitement grow. I'm smiling and I can almost feel each corner of my mouth touching one of my ears. I take my first three or four steps through the door, and my heart takes a sudden dive. He's standing close to the front of the crowd; close enough to see that he didn't come alone. I can feel the first of the tears hurrying out from my eyes. I don't know how to hide my hurt. I don't know how to pretend I don't care. And I certainly don't know how to keep my eyes from repeatedly scanning her. It's just that we're not two different pieces of chocolate you might find in the same box, we don't fit into the same box. I'm two hundreds and five pounds and if I release all the smoke I'm holding onto on the inside, I'd more than knock her over. I take another few steps and collect a few more hugs and kisses, and then without a long deliberation, or even announcing it to myself, I turn around and jolt. Johnaya is behind me. I haven't checked, but I know she's there, and as soon as we make it back to the car, we're leaving. It's all I got. I'm not that girl, and although I can come up with some suggestions as to how I should take charge, my first commitment is to being Kaylin.
(use Tags/Labels at bottom to navigate the book)
Renegotiating Kaylin, a novel
Copyright 2019 by Natisha Renee Williams and Grace Call Communications, LLC
All Rights Reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.
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