The Decks and the Road
Renegotiating Kaylin
Chapter 2- A Memory
Lane of Paper Trails
Kayla- I was fortunate
to receive a warning in year two of my marriage. It’s unfortunate that I ignored it. Now I’m standing next to my husband, still
married, but separated. It was just a
silly little cool thing; my keeping the napkins where every now and then he’d
write me a cute note. Mostly I’d get
them on the days that I was late. It
would be something only our bond could properly translate. It’s that way with poetry and
friendship. A lot can be gained in
translation. I knew the moment I saw them lying on the kitchen counter, with two
large bags standing near the door, and the expression on Wood’s face that he’d
miscalculated, and yet he’d warned me.
There was nothing I could say to make him unpack, and all my begging and
crying had no impact. He’d kept his
words to a minimum. The scene and the
paper trail were his talking points. Even
now it’s hard to gather words between us, and we’re only standing next to each other
in hopes that we can keep the matter private.
It’s Kaylin’s birthday, and no excuse from either of us would be
acceptable to her. So we’re here, and we’re
pulling it off when she arrives with a huge look of love and appreciation on
her face. Just as she came in an instant
though, she appears to be leaving, as an unfamiliar look of horror overshadows
her. I know such a look; it’s not
foreign to me, and I wouldn’t dare stand still.
I can see the puzzled faces all around, and I cut through all of them
and follow her. It’s the thing about
being around people who love you from a distance or in a superficial way. They always miss the que or get wrapped up in
what they’re experiencing as a result of your trauma.
When we make it out and far enough
away from the celebrating, I’m standing between her and Johnaya. It’s funny, Johnaya and I both know that we
need to talk, and I want to, but I’m mostly too embarrassed and we each brush
it off for the sake of Kaylin. I motion
for her to give us a few moments and she fades off somewhere.
“What’s the matter?” I’m completely in shock and holding on to her
with one arm.
“It’s my birthday. He knows it’s my birthday.”
“Who’s he?”
“The jerk I’m in love with. I thought he’d come alone. I thought we’d be together.”
“Where is he?”
“Inside with some girl.” Her head remained hung and a few of her tears
fell onto my arm.
“And where do you think you’re going?” I asked with a sense of authority I knew Nora
would appreciate.
“I can’t stay. I don’t know how to pretend like its okay,
and I don’t want to ruin…”
“Just ask him to leave.” I heard my words of advice, and felt the
sentiments that it had taken me years to come by myself, and I knew I was
pushing her completely out of her skin, but it was only right and I thought
perhaps I could save her some years.
“It’s just…” Our eyes meet, and I can see that she does
love him.
“I’d be willing to do it for you.” I thought of all the preparation that had
gone into the planning, all the guests, and the warm tradition I’d come to
love, and I couldn’t see it going her way.
There was just no way she was leaving.
Then out of the cleared air she found the courage to ask me.
“I don’t want to return to
school. I want to pursue my music. And I was thinking I could stay with you if
it’s okay.” Well, it was and wasn’t a
question.
“What does Tayeton have to say about
all this Kaylin?” I suddenly took back
my authority, and wasn’t so sure Nora would be pleased.
“I haven’t said anything, but it’s my
life isn’t it.” She was right and yet it
wasn’t my place to be the first to know.
At least I didn’t think so.
“Speak to Tayeton. If it’s okay with him, then yes.” I remembered the towering request Nora had
made, and how much she felt it had to be so.
I’d looked on however and not from too much a far, and I thought
everything had gone fairly well; pretty well actually. As a matter of fact, I can also recall
thanking God that it had all worked out at her high school graduation, and felt
most of the pressure raise up off me; now this.
We stood there for another few moments while she dried her face, and
gather herself and all her thoughts.
When we finally turned around to rejoin the party, our eyes landed on
Wood and Johnaya who were standing just a few steps away, and arm-in-arm. My heart surely skipped a beat, and I felt
another kind of pressure. It was the
pressure of their unbreakable bond and love looking on with seemingly so much
to say. Just then Kaylin looked at me,
smiled and assured me that she’d take care of the situation back at the
house. As she passed them, Johnaya again
faded off and I was left again standing with my husband.
“Is everything okay?”
“Everything is fine. Girl drama that’s all.”
“Well, I’m leaving… I guess I’ll see
you.”
“But you haven’t said goodbye to
Kaylin.” I tried to make him stay.
“Kayla… I met someone.” The words were from a movie. They were cliché and cold. Most of all, they had no place in my
marriage.
“It’s only been three months… what do
you mean you’ve met someone. Wood please
stop this… I told you; there’s nothing going on and I’ve never been unfaithful
to you.”
“Kayla, then you don’t know what it
means to be unfaithful. I’ve stood by
you. I’ve gone to the ends of my heart
for you… You broke my heart, and the fact that you don’t get that tells me that
I can’t trust you with my heart. I could
have never done that to you. Those
things didn’t belong in our home. “
“What were you looking for
anyway? Tell me… No, why don’t you just admit that you don’t
and never have trusted me.”
“That’s not true. And it wasn’t like that. I just wanted to surprise you.”
“Then, let’s go back to Dr. Kat. Why can’t we work on it?”
“Dr. Kat? Really… Kayla, you’re in love with her
husband.” The words were harsh, and as
far as I knew they were untrue.
“No, Wood… I’m in love with you.” I
tried to grab hold of his hands, but he wouldn’t allow me.
“I don’t believe you. I’m sorry… I read the notes Kayla, and I just
don’t believe you.”
“Who is she?”
“A woman. A woman I’m deeply fond of.” I could tell that he didn’t mistakenly
mention all these things to me, and I understood that he’d plan on breaking the
news to me on this night. It was
awful. It was cruel. I wished I didn’t love him so much then I
could hate him. I wanted to slap him,
and yet I wanted him in my arms. I
thought to beg some more again, but this was his way of saying it was no
use. Still I tried.
“Please Wood… don’t leave me. Tell me what I need to do, and I’ll do it.”
“You wouldn’t… It’s everything you’ve
worked hard for, and I couldn’t rob you of that.”
“Tell me.”
“I don’t want you to resent me.”
“I’m willing. Just tell me, and I’ll fix it.”
“I want what we had before Simpleton
and Fisher. I miss you.” The realization of what he was standing
between us was tough. My life had
changed completely. I loved my work. My success was beyond anything I could have
imagined, and I thought we were both enjoying it. I thought I would jump at the opportunity to
make things right, but I wasn’t jumping.
I was frozen still, and trying to balance the scales in my head. When too many moments had escaped, and I hadn’t
uttered another word, my husband kissed my cheek, told me “I Love You” and
slowly walked away. It was too crushing,
and I could not stay. I didn’t say
goodnight to Kaylin or Johnaya, and headed right for my car. Behind the wheel, I waited to catch my
breath, but apparently my breath was with him.
Renegotiating Kaylin, a novel
Copyright
2019 by Natisha Renee Williams and Grace Call Communications, LLC
All
rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any
form.
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