RK- A Whoa Wednesday

The Decks and the Road

Renegotiating Kaylin

Chapter 9- A Whoa Wednesday        

Kayla- I'm meeting Tayeton today.  It's Wednesday.  We always meet on Wednesdays.  It's nothing fancy or complicated, it's just work.  He shows me what he has lined up for the season, and tells me where he thinks I can be of help.  On the other Wednesdays we manage the deals that are already on the table. Today we're at Simple Fish.  I'm late again, but he never minds.  Usually he's on his phone when I arrive.  There's no real reason why I'm late, maybe it's something about knowing you're worth the wait.  "Ego", I can hear you thinking.  No, not really, but like I said, he never minds.

I pull into one of the owner's spots, and grab up my tote.  I'm not an owner; not even close, but Tayeton is, and he allows me to park there.  My phone is ranting with alerts.  Mostly, it's the app.  I've been up late for the last two nights.  Looks like I may have found a match.  I'm not exactly thinking that far, but I'll like to think everyone's on the app because they're thinking that far.  I mean, I'm not divorced but I've been listening pretty close, and I'm sure I haven't heard anything from God.  And we're really close by now.  Anyway, I'm thinking to take the next step into the unveiling phase.  It's where after five chats we have the option of unmasking and exchanging our personal contact information.  But it's just a thought, and we still have two chats to go.  Then I thought about seeing her again.   The reader.  She’s the one that planted the seed, and now it seems to be blossoming so fast.  Maybe she can guide me through it; let me know if I'm on the right track.  For now though, it's Wednesday and I've got to get through this meeting. 

I enter the sea of business people on lunch dates, and head right for our usual area.  The place buzzes in the day and hums in the night.  It's like two totally alienated crowds.  I enjoy them both.  The day crowd makes me feel like I'm a part of something large and important, and the night time folk helps to remind me to slow down.  It's mostly dates; some blind; I can tell… and others more like the first or second.  I cut through the talking heads, and I pick up a few details about what's going on in sports and even in big business.  I reach our table and Tayeton is on his phone pointing for me to sit, as if I would just stand there.  Before I could rest my bag beside me, I've already spotted his note.  It's not welcomed.  Not since Wood left, and I've been really working hard at being on time.... but the app, the alerts, and all the small talk.  I've only managed to collect two of them since then, and I carried them all the way to my driveway and then walked them over to the trash.  It's like that old shirt you know has to go, but you hang on.  And then there's the art, and I feel like I'm discarding of some highly valuable piece of treasure.  After all, he makes good money from his writing and he so generously shares some of his most profound thoughts with me.  Of course it's all in how you read it.  It could be personal or not.  It could be romantic or not.  It could be crossing the line or not.  But we both know better.  Today though, I've already made up my mind to leave it behind. 

I gently slide the note over, and locate the notes I wrote for our meeting.  He's still talking, but I see he doesn't miss the motion, and he's too honest to just let it go.  I try to help him to overlook it by focusing on my phone, but he begins to round off his call and my heart takes a hop. 

"No notes from old boyfriends?"  I know it's his humor, but there's too much truth in his statement, and I'm left trying to collect my thoughts.

"My husband doesn't think it as cute as I do."

"You shared them with him?"

"No, he found them."

"It's art.  You do know that."

"Yeah and I'm the inspiration."

"You two are like two pieces of metal welded together.  You're not trying to tell me this is a big deal."  I want to respond with an equal light heartedness, but I don't have that luxury.  Before I can answer, it all fall outs.  He meets me on my side of the booth and tries to find my eyes, but I'm hiding them.  I've turned my face away and my eyes land on the piece of paper.  I can't help but read his message; the message I'd planned on evading.  It's another blurry one, but my loss is clear.

"He's been gone for nearly six months now.  Actually he's dating."  I come clean for the first time, and he happens to be the first person.  Even Jennifer I haven't told, and she hasn't called so I know that news is traveling slowly.  It's the only thing that makes it somewhat bearable. 

"Why didn't you say anything Kayla.  Honestly, I just thought it was something silly between the two of us.  I didn't know you'd kept them."

"Then why'd you ask if I'd shared them with him?  You must have figured.."

"It's my art, and yes I have an ego.  Of course there's part of me that wants to know that you kept them, but I wouldn't expect you to jeopardize your marriage."

"Well up until six months ago, I had them all.  He found them and he's just been impossible about the whole thing."

"Tell me something..."  I hear his words and I'm waiting, but he's chewing on his words and maybe he's thinking of swallowing them.

"Tell you what?"  I anxiously await.

"You're not still..."  I'm studying his face and I know what he's thinking.

"No."

"Good because just between me and you…  I'm not all I'm cracked up to be, and my wife made a huge sacrifice to be with me.  One I'm almost certain no one else would make."  I tried to understand his humility, but it didn't make sense. 

"So what are you doing to win him back?"  It was a good question.  One I appreciated, but I just didn't see my deck stacked full of options.  In fact, I'd played my best card and it had back fired. 

"I don't think there's anything I can do.  He wants me to walk away from my position with Simpleton and Fisher, but I know it's only because of you and I'm having too much fun."

"Fun?  Kayla life is bigger than fun.  I see the way he loves you."

"So you would give it up for her?"

"Yes."

"I don't believe you Tayeton."

"Would you believe me if I told you I was HIV positive?"  He was looking me dead in the eyes.  This was not strange between us.  We were friends; good friends.  But this...  He never.  I mean he looks...  There's just so much going for him.  Wait, what about William?  No way... What are the chances... a mother and son? 

"It's real Kayla.  And what's more real than all of this... is my wife and son.  Think about it."

"But he's dating."

"He's dating because he's hurt.  Never mind that."

"Well, it's more than dating now and...  I don't know if I can forgive him."

"Then don't, but don't tell me it's all for fun because fun almost left me dead."

We both sat for a few minutes.  We hadn't ordered but we were full.  I sat with my head down.  He sat with his head atop his hands with his head looking up.  On first glance his eyes were open.  By the next glance then they were closed.  I thought again about the reader and how the last time she hadn't missed a mark.  I also thought about the call I'd received and how it had chipped away at my confidence.  Then I remembered… I was supposed to lose someone and my head sprang up.  I didn't dare share such a thing, but underneath my skin my blood was crawling.

After watching Tayeton’s bravery, I was inspired.  I sent a last minute request for Jennifer and Aisha to meet me at Sax for happy hour.  Now that Wood’s memo was permanently tacked in my mind and my adventure on Eye to Eye was heating up, I thought it was the right time to say something.  It’s just the three of us now since Ketly and Jeff relocated to the West Coast.  Well, really Ketly and I never quite rebounded fully, but we’ve been adults about it.  It was only my second time on the new roof deck at Sax.  Wood and I were present at the unveiling last summer, but I’d been busy with new circles of friends and other places they frequent.  In this circle, I’m no diva and I’m always on time.  I sit watching the groups as they hit the landing and make their decisions on where to sit.  I have a message from him, but I choose not to open up the floodgates so early.  The music is nice as always and I’ve decided to just take the few moments to enjoy it along with the drink I ordered.  Before long it’s Jennifer and while we catch up Aisha shows up.  She’s like a monument these days; hard to reach except to compliment.  She’s gone after just about everything she’s had in mind to, and she’s been pretty successful at it.  We both just refer to her as Dean now.  That’s since professor became old news.  Everyone is in high spirits and it can be felt.  Not just at our table, but apparently at all the other tables.  Suddenly, I’m left holding the bag of bad news as I remember why I’ve invited them out.  I sit enjoying the usually bliss that we make together, until I know the time has come and then I interrupt it all with a firm, “Ladies.”  I can tell by their faces that they understand that we’re not together just because I wanted to hang out, but that I have an announcement to make. 

“Please, no crying.  If you do, I may not be able to recover tonight.  The truth is that I called you all here because I’ve been keeping a huge secret.  Really, I was hoping I could fix it, but it doesn’t look like I can.”    

“What is it?”  Jennifer’s eyes were already filled with tears and I knew we’d eventually change the entire atmosphere on the deck.

“It’s Wood and I.  We’re separated and he’s dating.”  I’d expected a loud “what?” or “no.” but instead there was only tears and silence.  Again I turned my face away, and when I could stand it anymore, I walked over to the side of the building and looked out over the parking lot.  First there was an arm around my waist and then I felt another across my shoulder.  Still there were no words for a while, and understandably.  These weren’t the girls I’d grown up with.  These were the women who had gone before me.  Both of them could probably sum up all of my feelings with just a few words.  So we just stood there until Tony came up behind us in a cheerful voice.

“Good Evening Ladies.  Welcome back to Sax.”  We all turned around a little stunned and he quickly got that it wasn’t the happiest hour.  I searched his face and I could tell that he didn’t know.  I mean they weren’t the best of friends but they played ball together every weekend.  I tried to think if it would be fair to ask Aisha to keep it all a secret.  I also tried to determine for how long.  Then before I could gather all the answers, I found myself saying goodnight and heading for the stairs.  Behind me there were three individual goodnights that sounded lifeless and bewildered.  By the time I made it to my car, Jennifer had already texted me and before I could pull out of the parking lot I heard another two alerts.  I wasn’t ready to read even the most positive message and just ignored it all.  After I’d gotten on the highway, I dialed his number and hung up immediately after the first ring.

I made it home and kicked my shoes off at the door.  From there I took to the kitchen.  I powered my phone off, and sat waiting for Kaylin.  I’d been meaning to talk to her, but her nights were late and I just kept putting it off.  After about an hour, I moved from the kitchen to the living room and found myself still there after many hours.  Finally, I saw the light coming through the window and I knew she’d arrived.  It was only minutes to eleven, but I didn’t have a good idea of how she was spending all those hours and I thought I might find out.  I could see her concern when she spotted me waiting for her.  I’d moved from the couch to a leaning position against the wall right off the doorway. 

“Hi Kaylin.”

“Hey.”  She was carrying what looked like a gym bag and her lipstick was smeared.  I mean she is nineteen, and it’s not a crime to be out til eleven, but I couldn’t get over the sound in her voice.  It was a sound of caution. 

“Coming from the gym?” 

“Something like that.”

“So listen, maybe we didn’t start this arrangement off correctly.  I need to get a better understanding of where you are.  I know you mentioned your music, but what’s really going on.”

“Nothing’s going on.  I’m just living.  Did you notice that I’m losing weight?”

“I did.”

“So why haven’t you said anything?  And why do you look so suspicious?”

“I apologize.  I think it’s great.  Look, I’m not a mother and I’m an only child.  The reason I said no when Nora asked me to take you is because I don’t know that I’m any good at this.”

“What?”

“I was young; newly married, and it would have been too much.  Plus Tayeton did just fine.”

“Maybe… but I could have used an older sister.”

“Well, there are things about my life that you’re unaware of and trust me… I wasn’t ready.”

“And now?”

“I’m willing to try but I don’t want to fail her or you.  That being said I need to know your plans.  What about your music?  And how do you plan to pursue it.”

“It’s complicated right now.”

“How?”

“I lost my contact and some of my songs have been stolen.”  Her voice was filled with anxiety and her eyes seemed to be guarding a substantial amount of pain.  I didn’t know her well enough now to know if it was childhood stuff or just adulthood stuff.  I remembered the incident at the party and thought to get an update.

“So who’s the guy?”  I asked and pointed to her lips.

“Someone I met recently.”

“What about your guy from the party?”  Her eyes opened wide at the question and her mouth hung open.  I didn’t wait for her to put an answer together.

“I know… It’s complicated.  Kaylin… why don’t you speak with Tayeton and see if you can get a job at Simpleton and Fisher?”

“I’d rather find my own path.  I thought I’d be able to stay here while I figure it out.  Money’s not an issue so what’s the big deal?”

“You’re the big deal Kaylin.  We don’t want to lose you.  Life’s more complicated than whatever you can imagine, and you don’t have any of your parents.”

“I get it.  I do.  But I just need some space.”

“Well, I’m going to see my father on Sunday and maybe you’ll like to come.”

“You mean our father.  I thought you’d hate him.”

“Why would you think that?”  I understood her question but didn’t know that she was aware.

“Isn’t it why mom chose you?”

“She said he never…” 

“No, he never did.  But he did plan on it.  How can you still speak to him?”

“It’s complicated.  He’s sort of the reason… well, forget about it.  Just know the invitation still stands if you change your mind.”  I relented before I was sure exactly what had been accomplished.  I got in the bed with my work clothes still on.  She was head strong and maybe too strong for my undeveloped parenting skills.  I tried to put myself in her shoes and I did.  They weren’t too far a fit either.  Then I took them off and returned to my old pair.  From those she made total sense.  From those I understood the word space.  From those I recollected all the space I had needed and used.  I closed my eyes and listened closely.  He’d been rather quiet regarding Wood and I, but I thought … no I know I heard Him say…. “Just let her.”  I didn’t turn my phone back on until the next morning.  The moment I woke up I knew I’d be late.

Renegotiating Kaylin, a novel

Copyright 2019 by Natisha Renee Williams and Grace Call Communications, LLC

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